Nostalgia

I wake up in the middle of the morning breeze, feeling strange, astray, I don't know where I stand. Where's everyone? the only thing I see it's a tree, a dead tree. Start walking through the forest and a lot of vague thoughts cross my mind, I, then realize, how sad I've been so far, how much I've been missing the things I used to have and like. I miss them.

I feel empty, feels like I have nothing to share anymore, feels like everyone's gone and even when I'm in love with someone that loves me, I'm not enough, she barely talks to me and all the things I've wanted to say are buried deep inside me, there's no way to pull them out in any sort of way as long as I don't feel comfortable. I don't want to see her until she says it first. I cannot say everything, I'm not up for the challenge this time wether if I lose or not.

Violins are pianos playing in the background, a soundtrack of my most missed memories, feeling, speaking, crying. Then I for sure know what's been cooking up here because I don't know. Such an imagination, such a fertile mind ready to make up imaginary thoughts in order to sink itself down. On it's own, on my own.

I then wake up from a bad dream, outside the window: a cloudy day with tons of mist and little sounds coming out of my darkened walls, forget it, it wasn't a dream. I still feel I need someone, for some reason I can't explain. I already do, but my reason is killing me, it doesn't let me have eyes wide open to see how much I'm loved but however I don't feel it, I cannot cheat my heart and my mind knows it, it's finishing with my reason I just. miss her.